By Heather Nielsen
Author, Founder of Fight The Beast
This video serves as a sincere message addressed to wives who are experiencing a lack of intimacy with their husbands. While this content may deviate from my usual material, I believe it is important to address this issue. My name is Heather, and I am the founder of an organization called Fight the Beast, dedicated to assisting men in overcoming porn and sexual addiction. Many of my clients face significant challenges because their wives are not engaging in sexual relations with them.
First and foremost, I must emphasize that if you are a man watching this, it does not excuse any improper behavior. It remains crucial for you to address and conquer your sexual addiction and cease consuming porn, regardless of your current sexual activity. However, I also wish to address the women who may be viewing this message.
To begin, I acknowledge that you likely have valid reasons for your current circumstances, whether they are of mental, emotional, or physical nature, or due to your husband’s disrespectful treatment of you, leaving you devoid of any emotional connection. If that is the case, I am genuinely sorry for the difficulties you are facing, and I want to assure you that I do not intend to attack you with this message.
It is essential for you to understand that I am unaware of your specific reasons, and if they are valid, it is acceptable to stand by them. However, I would like to present some aspects for you to consider regarding your sexual relationship with your husband. In today’s society, from the moment a man wakes up until he goes to sleep, he is incessantly bombarded with sexual content and provocative imagery.
Such exposure has become pervasive in modern times and can pose considerable challenges for men. As someone who frequently hears the inner thoughts and physical reactions of these individuals towards sexual content, including interactions on social media, encounters with women at the grocery store, or even how women dress nowadays, it is evident that these reactions are genuine, and men are struggling. While I typically do not approach topics from a Christian standpoint, it is crucial to note that the Bible cautions against this issue and emphasizes the importance of safeguarding each other spiritually within the realm of intimacy.
Maintaining a healthy sex life and meeting your husband’s needs, both physically and emotionally, is advocated. However, I do instruct men not to perceive these needs solely in terms of their sexual desires, as I believe that conquering one’s sexual needs can lead to enhanced mental, physical, and spiritual strength. Nevertheless, this does not imply that women do not play a significant role.
When a man encounters sexual or provocative stimuli throughout the day, whether it be a coworker, social media, or other circumstances, it triggers a physical response that he cannot control. This reaction activates hormones and initiates semen production, which subsequently leads to heightened urges and semen buildup. It is worth noting that your actions as a wife can also contribute to this process. Merely appearing beautiful in the morning when he wakes up or witnessing you preparing to take a shower can act as triggers, resulting in semen buildup and hormonal responses.
If these triggers elicit excitement or feelings of love, prompting a desire for connection and intimacy with you, understand that this is purely a physical reaction. By withholding this release from your husband or denying him access to your body, regardless of your reasons, you engage in a dangerous game. Such behavior is unfair in several respects, as it leads to increased urges and subsequent consequences. It is important to recognize that men experience sexual urges differently from women, as their urges tend to be more intense and visually driven. The buildup of semen can lead to significant difficulties, even physical discomfort due to the resulting pressure.
Furthermore, men face emotional and mental challenges, largely influenced by societal or cultural programming. They often associate their ego and masculinity with their sexual experiences. In this context, a man’s worth is linked to the frequency of his sexual encounters—a high-value man is presumed to engage in frequent sexual activity, while a low-value man is perceived as lacking such experiences. By refraining from engaging in sexual relations with your husband, you unintentionally convey the message that he is of low value, undeserving, and inadequate in your eyes. Consequently, he may experience emotional urges and encounter issues stemming from the belief that he is no longer valued. Feelings of guilt, shame, and insecurity may arise, fostering an array of unhealthy mindsets and attitudes that are detrimental to your relationship and his overall well-being.
The multitude of outlets available for men to seek sexual gratification in today’s world is astounding. Access to pornography is pervasive and increasingly darker and more explicit. Massage parlors, escorts, infidelity, online chat rooms, OnlyFans, and women engaging in illicit interactions via text messaging are just a few examples. The internet is rife with trolls and individuals pursuing sexual encounters. As someone who regularly receives unsolicited texts of this nature, I can attest to the widespread nature of such activities. Access to these outlets is not only easy but also actively seeks out your husband, placing him under constant assault. When a man is constantly exposed to sexual stimuli and has no avenue for release due to semen retention, it becomes increasingly challenging for him to resist these temptations.
While you may argue that your husband does not engage in such behavior, it is important to realize that he likely does. In my experience, very few men, especially those who are married, genuinely practice semen retention. Curiously, it is often the seemingly devoted Christian husbands and fathers, the ones whose wives adamantly assert that they would never consume porn, who are involved in the most extreme and concerning activities. Consequently, I must clarify that I am not blaming wives for their husbands’ actions. The husband must possess moral fortitude and make responsible choices. However, I aim to convey to women that this situation is unfair and unhelpful to their marriages. If a stranger on the internet can assist your husband in finding gratification, so can you. It does not require extensive efforts, and if one approach does not work, alternative strategies can be explored.
Based on the experiences and testimonials of numerous men I have encountered in such situations, I feel deep sympathy for their desperate struggles in attempting to remain faithful in their marriages while combating intense triggers and urges. I hope that this message inspires some wives and women to make a conscious effort to understand their partners’ perspectives better and invest in their relationships accordingly.
Thank you for watching, and please consider subscribing. If you are seeking resources to assist you, your partner, or someone you know in overcoming porn or sexual addiction, explore our resources at fightthebeast.org