If you’re struggling with a sexless marriage or have a higher sex drive than your wife, you’re not alone. According to one study, 51% of men want to be having sex with their partner or spouse every day, compared to only 7% of women. Additionally, one Sex and Love Survey of 15,000 respondents reported that 66% of men want more sex in their relationship.
But don’t worry! We have solutions for you!
In this blog post, we’ll guide you through a series of strategies aimed at rekindling your wife’s sexual desire and revitalizing the connection in your relationship. If you find yourself in a sexless marriage, these actionable ideas can serve as powerful tools to bridge the gap and foster a more profound sense of togetherness. Explore the depths of enhancing marital intimacy as we present effective approaches to bring back the passion you both crave.
Menstrual Cycle Matters
First off, it’s really important to understand her menstrual cycle.
Not just when she’s having her period, but also what’s going on the other times of month. If your wife is literally never having sex with you, you do have a higher chance around her ovulation time, which is day 12 to 14 of her cycle. And that starts… on the first day of her period. So 12 to 14 days, she’s more likely to be interested in sex due to those hormones.
Now I know there are some women out there who just absolutely hate physical touch, so those women aside, Research has found that women respond a lot better to Snuggling, cuddling, and even kissing at that time of month.
So if you want more sex with your wife, make time for that and make it romantic.
Here’s another thing that women love, and men typically want nothing to do with: and that is to enter the dark lands of emotions. Women are emotional. We love talking about our emotions.
We love connecting with people emotionally. For us, that is intimacy, and it’s the best way to open us up, help us feel safe and secure, and get us in the mood for deeper and more physical intimacy. Now I know how awful that sounds to a guy. Like, I have to talk about emotions with my wife before she’ll have hot and heavy sex with me?
Yes. If your wife is not interested in physical intimacy, emotional intimacy can give you the foundation and the building blocks to help get her in the mood and build that connection. It doesn’t have to be hours of long, drawn out conversations, but take 20 minutes a day to ask her questions about her day, ask her how she’s feeling, ask her questions about your relationship or questions about things going on in her life. And respond in complete sentences, not just nodding, but really show her that you’re connecting with her and her emotions.
But you can’t expect her to immediately climb on top of you, although that would be nice. Instead, see it as building a foundation for better intimacy overall.
Show That You Care
That brings me to my next point, which is show that you care.
Show that you care in as many ways as possible throughout the day, be her friend, be her lover, show her that you want her to be happy and that you’re ready to meet her needs in other ways .
Stay away from the mindset that you have to work so hard for sex or you have to do all these things for your wife to get sex from her or to get love from her. But rather understand that women crave and need a stronger relationship and foundation overall. Which is a good thing because it’s going to help you have a healthier relationship long term, as opposed to just exchanging empty sex.
The Golden Rule
Next up is: “ do unto others as you would have others do unto you”. Provide your wife with the kind of experience that she wants to have. Maybe a quickie in the morning is all you really want, and you don’t have time for more. But it’s extremely important that you provide her with the sexual experiences that she craves to help her want to engage in sex more often, both for your pleasure and hers.
You want her to do something to you? Do it to her first. Most women are surprisingly likely to reciprocate when they’re having a good time.
And if you don’t know what that means for your wife, ask her. I don’t encourage erotic books or movies for a number of reasons, but if your wife is reading erotic books or watching sexual movies, what is she watching?
What does she like? Ask her. What kind of experiences she wants to have and give her a space to be open and honest about that.
You can ask your wife questions like:
- Do you want to be asked verbally or do you want to be touched physically and experiment?
- You could ask her if she wants to be approached subtly or directly.
- Does she want you to ask her if she’s in the mood or just throw her into the bed?
Or maybe she wants to schedule out that time each week. On the other hand, she could be waiting for you to do something surprising and romantic.
Give Her Space to Recharge
And finally, women respond really well to space. Giving your burnt out wife some alone time to recharge and take care of herself, can really help her to find a place of calm and peace that will help her have the desire to engage in sex. Offer to watch the kids for a little while or send her to the spa. This will give her much needed time to wind down so that she can heat up for you.
Understanding Timing & How to Approach
But what about timing? How do you know when your wife’s in the mood? How do when you should approach her, how to approach her? Well, a few years ago, I created a diagram that breaks it all down, and actually, a marriage and family therapist published my diagram (which I’m really proud of).
Here it is:
If you want sex and you think that your wife does too, proceed to make moves. And if she responds well, continue making love.
But if you’re unsure, or she responds to your moves negatively, you’re going to ask her, or yourself, a series of questions. So you would ask, Is now a good time to be alone? Or to be intimate?
Is the mood and setting right for her? Is it clean, quiet? Is it the way she likes things to be? And is she feeling well? If the answer to any of these questions is no, here’s what you do. If it’s not a good time to be intimate, ask yourself or her when would be a good time for alone time.
I would say not just sex, but also just alone time so that you make sure that you’re not just pushing for. Sex.
If the mood and the setting isn’t quite right for her, work on setting the right mood. And if she isn’t feeling well, this one’s really important. Be a sweet husband and find an alternative way of showing love to build your relationship. If she has a headache, don’t just roll over in bed. Ask her if she would like a glass of water.
If her back is hurting, give her a non sexual massage. Build that foundation that you can come back to later.
But if you know for sure that she does NOT want sex, ask when would be a good time or, be a sweet husband and find an alternative way of showing love to build your relationship.
What do you do though if your sexless marriage is the result of your porn or sexual addiction? If her lack of desire is related to trust issues or porn or sexual addiction, mistakes that you’ve made in the past, check out my other videos on that specifically. (Click HERE to watch more) We are here to help your relationship succeed!
You can also start the recovery program at: member.fightthebeast.org