Prefer to watch? Video link below.
The actions you take immediately following a relapse are crucial for both your short-term and long-term success in recovering from porn and sexual addiction. Many individuals experience a relapse that spirals into a binge, a series of relapses, or even a prolonged period of depression and darkness. Consequently, many people ask me, “What should I do after a relapse?”
In this discussion, we will explore the steps you should take immediately following a relapse to ensure it doesn’t happen again. My name is Heather, and I am the author and founder of Fight the Beast, an organization dedicated to helping men recover from porn and sexual addiction. It is my pleasure to assist you in gaining a deeper understanding of relapse.
The principles I am about to share with you are derived from my book, “Fight the Beast,” and our online course, which you can access through the link provided below.
In the military, including the Army and other branches, they conduct After Action Reports. These reports serve as debriefings after a mission to evaluate what went right, what went wrong, and how to improve for the future. Similarly, in our program, we have something called the post-relapse debriefing.
The first key element is differentiating between guilt and shame. Guilt entails recognizing that you have done something wrong and need to make changes, while shame involves internalizing a negative self-image, believing you are a terrible person or will never be good enough. It is essential to distinguish between guilt and shame. I will provide a video that delves deeper into this topic for your reference.
There are two quotes from my book that I would like to share with you. The first one is by Winston Churchill: “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts.” I find this quote inspiring because it emphasizes that your journey is ongoing, and one failure or setback does not render your progress hopeless. It merely signifies that you are still moving forward toward your ultimate goal.
The second quote is by Alice Cooper: “Mistakes are part of the game. It’s how well you recover from them that makes the mark of a great player.” This quote underscores the fact that mistakes are an inherent part of life. In the context of recovering from porn and sexual addiction, how effectively you bounce back from a relapse determines whether you will move forward or regress. In our program, we often say, “Relapse is for learning.” Relapses can serve as valuable opportunities for success if you learn from them, identify what went wrong, and stop repeating the same patterns.
Now, let’s outline the steps of your after-action report following a relapse or slip in your journey of porn and sexual addiction recovery. The first question to ask yourself is, “What was I doing just before I slipped up?” Identify the specific thoughts, situations, emotions, or activities that led to your relapse. Perhaps it was triggered by something you saw on social media or a moment of vulnerability due to an event at work. By retracing your steps, you can pinpoint the initial trigger, whether it was mental or external.
Next, make a note of the excuses you made in your mind. At some point, you likely thought, “No, I shouldn’t be watching porn,” or “I should be doing something else.” These excuses may have originated earlier in the day, such as when you avoided going to the gym and subsequently felt lonely or bored. Identifying these excuses is crucial for rewiring your mindset in the long-term recovery process.
Ask yourself, “What addiction recovery principle or action did I forget?” Genuine recovery involves recognizing what went wrong, implementing the principles and tools provided in our program, and continuously growing stronger, more confident, and more disciplined.
Consider how you can revise your plan. This pertains to the game plan we assist you in developing within our program. By improving your ability to stay focused and disciplined, you can occupy your time and mind with positive activities and thoughts.
Next, ask yourself, “What should I practice or work on this week to avoid the same failure?” By revising your plan, taking action, and adjusting your schedule or mindset, you can develop greater strength.
Lastly, it is crucial to address any unmet needs that contributed to your relapse. If your relapse was triggered by an emotional need, root cause, or internal trigger, it is vital to work on addressing that need. For instance, if loneliness is the underlying issue, we need to find healthier ways to address and alleviate that loneliness. By doing so, you can foster long-term, positive results.
In addition to these steps, it is important to avoid comparing yourself to others. It does not matter if someone else quit cold turkey without relapsing again. What truly matters is the effort you put into your own journey and the steps you are willing to take. Focus on what you can control and set personal goals that align with your stage in life.
Finally, it is essential to get re-motivated. If you experience a relapse after a long period of progress, you may feel hopeless or frustrated. However, remember that you are on a journey, and you have the power to determine your future. Take ownership of your relapse, acknowledge the choices you made, and be prepared to make changes for the future. By embracing this mindset and expressing confidence in yourself, you can move forward, knowing that improvement is within your reach.
I hope you found these insights valuable. If you require further support in your recovery or if you wish to join our community, I encourage you to explore our programs. Don’t forget to subscribe to stay connected. Thank you, and I look forward to assisting you in your journey.