By Shane Prettner | Primal Connections
I remember well, the feeling of drifting through life and going from one job to another, one girlfriend to another, one party to another… In between, noticing the anxiety – the depression – the toxic self-talk going on in my head. Blaming everyone else for my life choices, my results, and getting stuck in those states of depression, self-loathing and worry.
In hindsight, these were the only things that gave me a sense of significance – they also gave me connection with others and excuses to indulge in alcohol, smoking and rebellious activities. Without those “problems”, I would’ve had to find other ways of getting connection, significance, a sense of belonging and even friends! If I took control of my life, my direction, started aiming higher, and decided to find a way to better way of being, without taking “no” for an answer – I would have to get REALLY uncomfortable and face the pain; face the demons within. Unconsciously, I chose not to do that.
But here’s what I found happens when you don’t choose your higher path: It can be forced upon you. Every time you ignore the lessons and tragedies that are pushing you to clean up your act, they get worse! You get knocked down, blame something – anything – other than yourself and your choices. You stay in the fog, the spiral of depression, anxiety, anger, frustration, and toxic guilty pleasures to balance out your feelings of lack and unworthiness. This is super uncomfortable – and that’s for a good reason! These feelings can be seen as feedback – feedback telling you to GTFO of that old way of thinking. Sure, growth and facing demons is uncomfortable, it’s hard. But so is staying in your pit of anxiety and overwhelm, where you use other toxic behaviours to feel better about where you are.
For me, it took being totally disconnected from my family, losing my younger brother in an accident, travelling across the country trying to run away from my problems (news flash: your problems are internal, good luck with that), building an entire identity and persona around hiding what was really going on, the chaos inside me – because on some level, I figured that if I could hide it from others, I could hide it from myself.
Call it God, call it the universe, call it nature. Nothing hides from it. No matter which of those you believe in, Him/it exists inside of you and everywhere else too – there’s no hiding! Ok, let’s just get down to it. Let’s stop talking about what doesn’t work. Let’s give some focus and energy toward something that does.
Most of us, when given a prescription of medication for a pet such as a dog, stick very well to what the vet says and ensure the dog gets his daily dose of medicine – but do we do that for ourselves? Usually not. Especially if the medicine is exercise, introspection, journaling, meditation, whatever it is. Why? Often, because we don’t value ourselves. Just like we don’t value any sort of object or tool that we don’t know the purpose of!
If you saw a random stick with a square bit of metal on the end of it, leaning up against a wall, and you had never seen it before, you probably wouldn’t look twice. You wouldn’t see the value in it because you have no idea what it is, what it’s used for, its purpose. But what if someone then introduced you to this shovel, and explained it can be used to shift material, dig trenches for plumbing, foundations for buildings, it can be used to plant vegetable plants and fruit trees, and -countless other uses! Would you take care of it? Would you value it? Of course you would! It has a purpose that is meaningful.
Finding my purpose changed everything. A purpose that is greater than just myself, and that one purpose that is closest to my heart – for me, it is helping families understand and improve their dynamics and changing the trajectory of our youth by helping them find their spark. Everyone has a purpose. There is a way to find it.
But first you must DECIDE. Walk outside, grab a stick and draw a line in the dirt. Stand up against that line. Take one deep breath. Speak to yourself as if you are someone that you are responsible for, that you care about. That you are everything to your world – because you ARE. Don’t step over this line until you can see all the ways in which taking responsibility for YOU, your life, and your path will help all of those you care about. Both past, present and future. Who do you want to inspire? Who do you want to prove wrong? Right? Maybe the answer to all of these questions is YOU. Maybe a combination.
The moment you step over this line, is the moment you will have a purpose – that purpose may be to find your higher purpose to begin with. But you will have A PURPOSE, a goal, a reason for being, a reason to value and care for YOU.
Take one more deep breath and step over that line.
The rest is up to you.
About The Author:
Shane is a Mental Performance and Personal Development Coach from Australia, working mainly with parents and children looking to find their purpose and greatest being in life. Having lived through the sufferings described in this article and also PTSD, he came out the other side with a drive and inspiration that he knows he must share with others. This was the catalyst for his business, Primal Connections, creating courses for people to discover some of the tools and insights that helped Shane discover his purpose and take control of his mind and his life.
Use code FIGHTTHEBEAST for a discount on his Synergetic Enhancement Course. https://primalconnections.com.au/